Set Your Life on Fire

Rumi's Words Echoed in My Stepdad's Wisdom

Dragonfly Crystal on the Labyrinth Path

Introduction

This essay is a tribute to my late stepdad, Bill Buckley (10/21/1929 - 10/14/1989). I met my first stepdad around 1982 or so. My mother met him on a trip to Jerusalem with their Divorced Catholics group and their bond grew stronger. I'm glad they stayed together and eventually married. It was probably the roses he brought home for her every Friday evening that did it. He had a romantic heart. Bringing home small tokens of caring was his love language. He also often brought home pizza for dinner after his security officer shift at Nestle on Friday nights. It felt good to look forward to and rely on such a treat.

Bill's presence in my life was what I needed to start waking up and taking back my power from all of the people I lost it to throughout my childhood. It was a long learning arc for me, but he planted the seed when I was in my 20s. Bill’s encouragement helped me rethink my perspective about myself and my life. Inspired by that encouragement, I decided to spend a year studying in Ireland and traveling Europe. He believed in me and his faith in me was contagious.

Bill was Irish Catholic from the Bronx in NYC. Though he grew up Catholic and spent time as a Holy Cross brother, he saw the Wisdom and Divinity in other spiritual traditions. Since I also love the writing of Sufi poet Julaladdin Rumi, I will share some quotes by Rumi that remind me of the lessons I learned from Bill Buckley, and how that Wisdom has touched my life. I believe he approves.

“If light is in your heart you will find your way home.”

Bill saw the good in everyone he encountered. Without saying so explicitly, he saw the light in everyone and encouraged us to be ourselves. He had the Irish “gift of the gab,” and people naturally felt at ease in his presence.

Bill lived by example. He had lots of funny phrases he used to joke with people. He loved evoking smiles and laughter. If someone said something goofy, he’d ask the person next to them, “who’s your friend?” When someone dropped an item that made a clatter, he’d respond with “dropped your teeth.” He was a fun person to be around and had a soft spot for kids.

“Try to be like the rain. It gently touches all, without judgment.”

One of the reasons many of us felt at ease in Bill’s company was that he didn’t judge anyone. He didn’t agree with what everyone said, but he acknowledged our right to think our own thoughts about what was happening in the world around us, both locally and globally. He also loved a good debate. If there was something someone was passionate about, he was happy to take it on, especially if the coffee kept flowing. Eventually, after an hour or so of lively dialogue on a Sunda morning, my mother would start clearing the table of mugs and creamers, and that was that. Everone left the table satisfied, with a deep sense of being seen and heard.

Bill especially believed in people who lived at least part of their lives in service to others. He was a big fan of Dorothy Day, who co-founded The Catholic Worker movement with Peter Maurin in the 1930s. He said that he’d met her, and had a copy of her book, The Long Loneliness. I now have that book in my own personal library, and must admit I haven’t taken the time to read it yet. I am determined to. I think it’ll make a good Winter’s read.

“The quieter you become, the more you can hear.”

Bill was a people-watcher and a good listener. He always had his finger on the pulse of what motivated people to do and say what they do. He often quietly stood or sat and watched the world move around him. He had a gift for reading people and was generous with offering kind words to people who crossed paths with him in public spaces.

He had street savvy, and was willing to make himself seem intimidating when necessary. I once walked around NYC with him when friends from out-of-state wanted to visit The Big Apple. He noticed some children taking money from the guitar case belonging to a street musician while he was performing. Bill chased them away so the musician could keep the money he worked for.

“Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames.”

Bill’s optimistic encouraging spirit was his superpower. His formal academic education reached the level of Associates Degree. The work he did was mainly blue-collar and he spent lots of his free time reading for personal and spiritual growth. He encouraged those he loved to do what we love and surround ourselves with those who believe in us. He believed that daily steps and determination bring us where we want to be and cheered out loud when he saw someone doing what it takes to succeed at what they’re passionate about. He believed everone in his life was worthy of all the good opportunities that came our way.

“The art of knowing is knowing what to ignore.“

Bill was a master at paying attention to what is important and ignoring what is not. One of his favorite things to say was “Don’t sweat the small stuff ~ and it’s all small stuff.” He ignored little human foibles and paid more attention to the character of the people around him. He encouraged me to ignore my mother’s guilt-inducing commentary in favor of my own peace of mind and self-respect. I often heard him say to me, “don’t take the guilt" after hearing her berate me for something I hadn’t done that she wanted me to do, or having done something of which she disapproved.

“Not the ones speaking the same language but the ones sharing the same feeling understand each other. “

When I was living with my mother in her apartment between graduating from college and moving to California for graduate school, I often played my guitar, completed art projects, and rode my bicycle. Bill lived there, too, and he usually sat and quietly read when he wasn’t working. We often spent hours in silent camaraderie, enjoying each other’s company without exchanging an words. As graduation and birthda gifts that year, Bill gave me a beautiful stereo with a turntable and an electronic keyboard with a bench. I cherished those gifts so much, and they lasted at least 20 years. It was sad when they finally stopped working, but was very grateful for all of the hours of joy they brought me.

“Love is the religion, and the Universe is the book.”

One important event in Bill’s life was that he had a near-death experience during his triple bypass operation ten years prior to my meeting him. It woke him up and opened the door to more love in his life, affected how he related to all those around him. It was the source of his self-confidence and his generosity, his consistent kindness and his encouragement. It was the source of all the ways in which he was a memorably positive force in my life and others’.

Conclusion

Bill Buckley was a remarkable person. His triple bypass surgery gave him ten more years of life than he would not have otherwise enjoyed. In that time, his loving, generous spirit touched countless people. I leave you all with a final quote, a poem, by Rumi. I believe it captures both the mystic’s and Bill’s indominably optimistic spirit. It’s very possible that Bill and Rumi are pals on the other side of the veil.

"The Breeze at Dawn"

by Mewlana Jalaluddin Rumi

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.

Don't go back to sleep.

You must ask for what you really want.

Don't go back to sleep.

People are going back and forth across the doorsill

where the two worlds touch.